By the Numbers

8 - months since our miscarriage.

7 - anniversary we will celebrate later this year.

6 - months ago that we started trying to get pregnant again, post-miscarriage.

5 - years ago that we started intentionally trying to get pregnant.

4 - blood tests to make sure my body realized I wasn't pregnant anymore last year.

3 - failed rounds of Clomid in as many months to end 2016.

2 - lifetime pregnancies.

1 - one live birth; one miscarriage; one enduring deep desire.

More than one...

Before Dan and I got married, before we were even engaged, we had many of the typical conversations for a couple at that stage. We even had what we called "Awkward Questions Weekend" where we could ask any question on our mind, no matter the subject. Of course, one of those topics included our number of desired children.

At the time, I probably said two or three. After talking about it though, the ultimate answer we arrived at, what we would tell people for months and years to come, was "more than one". We made the choice at that time to not limit what God might do in our lives, but to simply express our desire for multiple children.

All these years later, that desire has not faded. In fact, if anything, it has grown stronger. After the loss of our baby last Mother's Day, we feel even more keenly how incomplete our family is.

That pregnancy was unexpected and, in some ways, miraculous considering some of the variables. However, the circumstances almost make it harder to process what has followed. 6 more months of trying, 3 of those with the aid of fertility medication, but with no positive results.

The desire gnaws.

It is something I carry every day, a part of me I cannot quiet or satiate no matter how much I want to. It tugs at my heart every time I see my son interact with a baby. It screams with every new pregnancy or birth announcement. Others may never see it, but it is still there.

My Munchkin visiting a friend who was 11 days new!

I do not know why God has seen fit to tarry in blessing us with more children. I wish I could see what His plan was. But I do know that to Him, He is not tarrying a single second.

"But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."
2 Peter 3:8‭-‬9 ESV
http://bible.com/59/2pe.3.8-9.ESV

So in this time of waiting with unfulfilled desires, I have adopted the motto of a dear friend of mine: "Until God tells me no, I will pray, try, and hope." So that is exactly what we will continue to do. We hope the testing this month brings answers. We hope the month off Clomid will help us reset. We hope that God chooses to bless us with another child sooner rather than later. And maybe, someday, my deferred hope will become a fulfilled hope.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life."
Proverbs 13:12 ESV
http://bible.com/59/pro.13.12.ESV

Soli Deo Gloria,

Meghan 

Six

Six years.
72 months.
2,192 days.
A lifetime ago and a lifetime to go. :)

On September 4, 2010, Dan and I said "I do" to a lifetime together.

Credit: Jason Weil Photography

1st Anniversary (anniversary trip to Mackinac Island)

2nd Anniversary (Midland Balloon Festival balloon glow during our drive to Nebraska)

3rd Anniversary (pregnant with our Munchkin, but hadn't announced it yet)

Credit: Myra Lutz Photography

4th Anniversary (our Munchkin was just about 3 months old, my mom let us escape for a night away and a visit to the Sunken Garden)

5th Anniversary (my parents let us get away to Kansas City, MO for a luxurious extended weekend away)

6th Anniversary

Credit: Myra Lutz again :)

The past six years have been filled with mountaintops, valleys, and many adventures. Here's to the adventures that still lay ahead of us. I am so thankful that God brought this wonderful man into my life and sustains us in our marriage.

Happy 6th Anniversary, My Love! Here's to a lifetime more!

Soli Deo Gloria,
Meghan

Showers Galore

I was blessed recently to be a part of planning two baby showers and one bridal shower in a six week time frame at our church. We are thankful to be a part of a Sunday School class that has several young couples and families which means there can be a lot of life changes happening in a short time! It was a privilege to bless these new families as they celebrated the changes in their lives. I really enjoyed having the chance to stretch my creative muscles as well, something that's taken a bit of a backseat since Little Man was born.

The first shower was a vintage travel theme baby shower for a much anticipated little boy. Baby J's parents were some of the first people we got to know when we moved to Lincoln and we were both trying to get pregnant at the same time so I was extremely excited to celebrate Baby J's impending arrival with them. My Silhouette Cameo got quite the workout for this shower! I made several banners, including a simple pennant flag one, a sign for the gift table ("Luggage Drop Off"), and a piece of map art for the couple!

I learned how to fold a good, basic paper airplane for the garland ;)

The pennant flag banner now hangs in Baby J's nursery!

The map hearts encircle the places where the mother, father, and baby were born!

Baby shower #2 was a beach bash three weeks later for a sweet baby girl! Baby E was due just one month after Baby J and her parents were building and moving into a new home at the time as well! Whew! We had a fun time decorating for this beachy affair that ended up taking place in the midst of a snowstorm! At least we were thinking warm!

I had lots of fun and went a little crazy putting together the photo booth ;)

Michelle made these cute topiaries and frames! We wrote fun messages on the diapers for the mom-to-be.

Molly put together this absolutely gorgeous tablescape, complete with a miniature beach scene!

Finally, we switched gears and threw a fun, vintage burlap and lace bridal shower for a lovely friend and bride. Scheduling issues meant we held the shower at Michelle's house which made the gathering a little more intimate and homey which was a nice change. :) We used some of her vintage kitchen gear for decorating along with some burlap and a banner I made using my Silhouette that said "Miss to Mrs". We used treble and bass clefs to make a heart out of music paper since both the bride and groom are musicians. :) We also had fun filling a jar with date night ideas for the newlyweds and playing a "He Said/She Said" game where we had to guess who said which phrase.

Melanie gave a great devotion and presented the bride with a beautiful framed poem.

Opening gifts! (The banner I made is in the doorway)

It has been quite the eventful few months but it was such a privilege to have a small part in blessing each of these women. I'm glad now for the break in all the excitement and the chance to focus on planning some of our own personal events, like a little someone's first birthday! :D

Soli Deo Gloria,
Meghan

Second Anniversary

Many of you will remember our wonderful photos here taken by the lovely Sarah Adams of Photos by Sarah Beth for our 1st anniversary.

See? Gorgeous! :)

Well, when it came time to consider getting photos done for our 2nd anniversary, there was no contest. Photos by Sarah Beth it was! :) We were a little more ambitious this time and dragged Sarah all over DC with us. With the move coming up in just over a week, we wanted to get some photos at some places that were meaningful to us. Of course, we planned all of this before Dan ruptured his Achilles, but we were thankfully able to borrow a wheelchair from our church so he wouldn't have to run around DC on crutches the whole time.

We visited the memorial where Dan proposed, the WWII Memorial to get a picture for address change cards, and some of the places we went on our very first outing with my family and our first date. It was fun to reminisce while we were taking photos as we said good-bye to locations where we have so many memories. We also took some photos after church one day to remember the place where we met and were married. It was so special to have such a good friend with us while we relived the past several years together. Thank you Sarah! :)

And now...some of the photos! :)

Love this one!

I have one like this from our wedding that I absolutely love :)

Pretty much exactly where he proposed

So much time spent on Metro...had to get a photo :)

We took pictures here on our wedding day

Love the brick background!

Thank you, Sarah, for such wonderful anniversary photos! We will sorely miss you in Nebraska! And Happy 2nd Anniversary to the love of my life, Dan! Here's to a lifetime of love together! :)

Soli Deo Gloria,
Meghan

One Year...

Has it really been a year?

On Sunday, my husband and I will celebrate our one year anniversary! It seems to have gone by so fast and yet Dan often reminds me that this is the slowest life will go for us. Part of me doesn't even want to think about that...

It doesn't seem that long ago that we walked down that aisle as husband and wife and now here we are a year later. It's been a busy, fantastic, hard but rewarding year, one I wouldn't trade for anything. I have learned so much about my husband and myself and feel like I've grown in so many ways.

So here's to many more wonderful years to come! May God continue to bless us and grow us in ways we never before imagined!

I love you, Daniel!

Soli Deo Gloria,
Meghan

"Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday..."

I'M MARRIED!!! :D :D :D I want to scream it from the top of the hillsides and proclaim it in the town squares! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! :D It's been 17 days now and we've had fun celebrating each new milestone along the way (For example: Tuesdays!! ;D)

Special thanks to my sister-in-law, Julie, who snapped a few photos (including this beauty) and Uncle Jim (Dan's uncle, who captured the one below) while we were doing photos with the photographer. I will post more once we get them back from the photographer (should be sometime next week). Seeing people's photos on Facebook makes me all the more anxious to see what our photographer captured!

It was truly one of the most beautiful, happy days of my short life. Most of the day felt like such a dream. We were up at 5:15am and the hair and makeup team arrived right on time at 5:45am. The photographer arrived at 6:30am and started capturing moments. The guys arrived at the church at 8:30am for photos and the girls followed in the limo a little before 9:30am. Pictures (lots!), fellowship, friends and prayer dominated the time before the ceremony began at 11am. At 11:30am we were declared husband and wife and at 11:31am shared our first kiss as husband and wife (Thank you Ledfords for writing this down!). Then the party started! We left the reception around 4pm after revealing to our parents where we were going on our honeymoon (Kaua'i, Hawai'i). After a few more photos with the photographer, the day was done! Hard to believe eight-and-a-half months of planning later that the event went by so fast! It all fell into place so smoothly. We had such a great time and loved getting to see family and friends! God blessed us with such a wonderful day!

(Thanks to one of Dan's groomsmen, Gary, for capturing this shot!)

All in all, it was a truly wonderful day though it went by way too fast (just like everyone says it will)! I promise to post some of the professional pictures as soon as we get them back. Our videographer dropped our DVDs in the mail today so I can't wait to watch it later this week!

For now we are settling into domestic life and I hope to get back to blogging a little more. The BookSneeze.com reviews will continue (look for a new post soon about my new item!) and I'm hoping to pick Factual Fridays back up soon too! Thank you for being patient, dear readers, during this season of wonderful change in my life.

Soli Deo Gloria!
Meghan Clark (!)

CELEBRATION!

All our wedding invites are in the mail!! =D

And there was much rejoicing...for a short time anyway until I realized how much I still have left to do! So it’s on to the next project. But keep your eyes peeled for some purple loveliness coming soon to a mailbox near you! Special Delivery from Loveville! ;)

Special thanks to my mom for all the hard work and countless hours that she put into these! She did so much to make putting them together go so smoothly! Thanks as well to my sister, Sarah, for helping seal them and to my wonderful fiancé, Daniel, for spending time helping put them together. And, of course, thanks to everyone, including all my bridesmaids, who proofread them to keep me from going crazy. Many hands make for light work. :)


Soli Deo Gloria,
Meghan

Factual Friday: Blogging...

Fact: I’ve been a very, very bad blogger :(

My apologies, friends. I have done a horrible job of updating my blog lately. In fact, it has been over two months since my last update. Life has been getting busier between wedding planning and my normal activities and the contract I work on has been picking up as well which has kept me busy all around.

Dan and I have been finalizing details for our wedding little by little. Most of the major players are in place and we are now simply biding our time and getting smaller projects done as we can. We went apartment hunting a couple of weekends ago which was productive and then spent a weekend in Chicago to see Ted Dekker and visit one of my bridesmaids (Danielle) who lives there. We overcame a very daunting task that I had been putting off for awhile...tackling my storage unit. I rent a 5’x15’ storage unit in town and it is pretty much packed to the gills. We started going through it to see what we need to get rid of and to find out what exactly is in there (some of it’s been there for a couple of years!). We also spent a couple of weekends with Dan’s parents at the beginning of this month and put in an apartment application (it got accepted!), had our menu tasting at the reception venue, and booked our honeymoon!! :D We also worked out some details for the Michigan reception in October.

So please accept my sincere apologies. But also know that this may become a norm for awhile as my days stay packed with work, life and wedding activities. I miss you, my readers, and hope to be back to regular posting at some point. :) For now, please accept my apologies and enjoy the random posting.

Soli Deo Gloria,
Meghan

In lieu of Factual Friday...Wedding update!

Wedding planning is going well! I guess it's kind of a Factual Friday since it's a fact of my life. :) We're at 190 days now and most of the major players are in place. We have the locations, the photographer, DJ, wedding party, etc. Save-the-dates are going out soon which I'm very excited about! They look absolutely gorgeous. Major props to my friend, Becky, for taking the photos and designing the postcards and for putting up with my ignorance of graphic design. :)

Sneak Peek (this is not the final copy but close):

 

Isn't it lovely? :) Becky designed them and then we had them printed through GotPrint.com which I highly recommend. They do great work. They postcards are in pristine condition and were processed and shipped pretty quickly. They even provide an online proof so you can make sure that it looks the way it's supposed to. They do many different products from postcards to fliers to CD/DVD inserts and more. I printed all the address labels last night and will be picking stamps up this afternoon.

The one main vendor I'm trying to book ASAP now is the videographer. After a couple of days spent trolling the internet, searching websites, watching online samples, I've learned this: you CAN watch too many wedding videos. I think I've OD'd on wedding videos lately. I need to weed out those outside of our budget so we can book someone who does good work. Hoping to have it closer to being nailed down in 2 weeks time. 

Our menu tasting has been set as well for early May. Looking forward to tasting the delicious food at our venue, especially since we may not have much of a chance to taste it on the day of the wedding! Next up is booking the cake tasting with the locations cake baker. Looking forward that that one too. :)

Big news for the weekend: my dress shopping appointment is tomorrow! Dan's mom and one of my bridesmaids, Alisha, are coming into town this weekend to come with us. My mom, Dan's mom, Alisha, my sister Sarah (also a bridesmaid) and I will go dress shopping while my brother Josh and Dan go hang out for some guy time. Super excited that they'll all be here to look at dresses. :) I've been back on Weight Watchers for about a month now so I'm excited to see how I look in the dresses. Working on losing a few more pounds but definitely ecstatic about my progress so far.

Well, I guess that about covers it. Stay tuned for more wedding wonderfulness in the weeks and months to come! :)

Soli Deo Gloria,
Meghan

Photo Sneak Peek!

So I was working on a Factual Friday blog post that I meant to get up last Friday. I was going to put it up today but then I received some wonderful gorgeousness in my e-mail inbox yesterday that I just had to share! A good friend of mine, Becky, agreed to design my and Dan's Save-the-Date postcards. In conjunction with that, she followed us around St. Mary's City for several hours on Saturday snapping photos she could use. Here's a sneak peek at some of the wonderful work she has done! So excited to see the rest of them! :D

Near the St. Mary's College campus bookstore

Down by Church Point at St. Mary's City

Coming back...

This past Monday, I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting since my previous session ended in October of 2009. I will admit that I was a little worried. Between my last meeting in October and Monday, I had been on a cruise, celebrated Thanksgiving, followed by Christmas and New Year’s, not to mention getting engaged. So with all the food related holidays and trips in there, I knew I had gained back some of what I had previously lost. But it turned out to be a bad news/good news situation.

Bad news: My suspicions were confirmed...I had, in fact, gained several pounds since my last weigh-in BUT...

Good news: I lost close to 20 pounds during my last Weight Watchers (WW) session and only gained back 7 of those! I kept off over half of what I’d lost!

So now the battle begins. With the wedding only 220 days away and my dress shopping trip only one month away, I want to look my best. I almost reached the goal of losing 10% of my starting weight last time and that will be my goal again this time (though based on Monday’s starting weight, not last year’s). Thankfully, I was able to find a meeting with the same group leader we had here at work so it’s nice to see a familiar face. She’s very encouraging and excited about what she does.

In some ways, restarting Weight Watchers has felt like coming back to something long forgotten. It was like I had put it on the shelf and walked away, forgetting it was up there, waiting to be taken down again. And now I’ve dusted it off and put it back into circulation, only with more fervor this time. Having an upcoming wedding will do that to you. ;)

Maybe there’s something you have put on the shelf, dear reader. Maybe it’s a hobby, maybe a pastime that took a backseat when other things came up, or maybe it’s something that should have never been shelved, like a friendship. I encourage you to take it up again. We’re less than a month into the new year...it’s never too late for resolutions. ;)

Soli Deo Gloria,
Meghan

Reception Blues & God’s Grace

I will be the first to admit that I got a bit discouraged Tuesday. Ever since getting engaged, Dan and I have been taking care of putting plans in motion for the wedding date in September. I’ve really enjoyed getting to plan our future with the man I love and it’s been a mostly enjoyable process...

Then I hit a wall. I had e-mailed over half a dozen potential reception locations and I kept getting back responses that either put them outside our budget (sometimes enormously so) or said they weren’t available the day of our wedding. So I e-mailed another half dozen, wondering if the responses would be the same.

Since then, I’ve had some better “luck” with the responses I’ve been getting. A couple of the locations are even available on that day AND in our price range! But one of the most wonderful things to come out of this discouragement was an e-mail that Dan sent me, saying that he was praying for the right place. That really put things in perspective for me and reminded me that God is the one that leads our steps, even when it comes to picking out something like a reception hall.

Not that I didn’t trust that God would work it out, but I was taking what I thought to be the solution into my own hands. With that wonderful reminder from my husband-to-be, the discouragement fled as I released the issue. My mom has been astonished at how unfazed I’ve been and I realized yesterday that it’s only by God’s grace that I can feel this way.

So I will forge on with the wedding planning, knowing that God is really the one in charge and is taking care of all the details that I can’t even begin to imagine long before I’ve thought of them.

Soli Deo Gloria!
Meghan

ENGAGED!!

Holy smokes!! Just when you think you have everything figured out, God steps in and shows you the REAL plan! :) I never saw this coming and was completely blown away by the most wonderful man I have ever known. I am so excited to say that I get to marry my best friend!

There have been many requests for the proposal story beyond the basic “He asked me to marry him and I said ‘yes!’”. ;) Continue on, dear reader, to discover how the man I love became my fiancé!

Since we were going to be apart on Christmas, Dan and I had decided to have our own celebration the weekend before (Dec. 17-20) while I was visiting him up in Germantown. Since we both had 4 gifts for each other, we also decided to increase the excitement and prolong the festivities by giving out only one gift per day. After battling Beltway and 270 traffic, I made it to Germantown Thursday night and met Dan at his apartment complex. We grabbed dinner at Panera and exchanged our first gifts. He gave me a Fresh Cut Roses Yankee Candle (it smells heavenly!) and I gave him my flight itinerary for my trip to Michigan (he knew about the trip but not when I was actually going to get there). After dinner, I got to watch him play soccer and took some pictures.

Day Two brought lots of errands for me. I had left my dress clothes in St. Mary’s county and we were going to the Kennedy Center so I had to find a new outfit (Thank goodness for Kohl’s and DressBarn!). I also dropped all my Christmas letters in the mail and got a box off as well. I finally had a chance to breathe in the afternoon for about an hour. Then I got ready and met Dan at his office where he gave me a tour, finished up a few things, then we grabbed dinner at Noodles & Co and exchanged our 2nd gifts. I gave Dan the next Ted Dekker novel in the sequence he’s reading (“Saint”) and he gave me a beautiful ornament to start our collection that says “Our Christmas Together” with a charm that says 2009 at the bottom. It was absolutely gorgeous and so touching! Thank goodness for waterproof mascara! We then rode Metro to the Kennedy Center and enjoyed a lovely performance of Handel’s “Messiah” by the National Symphony Orchestra. When we came out, it had begun snowing! I love those first few hours when snow begins to fall and cover the world in its soft, peaceful blanket. However, I do not enjoy snow in heels! :P

Day Three put us square in the Blizzard of ’09. Dan had told me to be prepared to go out in it though so I layered up and we jumped in the car and made our way into D.C. I was so thankful that day that Dan was from Michigan and knew how to drive in snow. We got stuck a couple of times but it never took more than a couple of minutes to get unstuck. It was also a learning experience as I got to observe Dan as he helped other people get unstuck as well. Such a wonderful man! :) We drove around in D.C. looking for a place to park so we could get out and see the National Christmas Tree and walk around but everything was marked so that we couldn’t park. So it ended up being a scenic drive around in D.C. in what I thought was a valiant effort to go see the Christmas Tree. Turns out my love had ulterior motives! ;) When we got back to Germantown, we exchanged our third gift. I gave Dan a calendar I had put together on Snapfish with photos of us throughout our relationship and he gave me the DVD of “Up”, one of our favorite movies and the only one we’ve seen in theaters. We reference it quite frequently in our day-to-day conversations. :) The rest of the evening was spent around a table of delicious food with good friends in fun conversation.

Day Four typically would have meant going to church in the morning but all activities were cancelled due to the snow so we made another attempt to get to Downtown D.C. This time, Dan found out which parts of the Metrorail system were running and we went to the closest station that had parking. While they were running reduced trains and it took longer than usual, we finally made it into D.C.! It was an absolutely gorgeous day with a beautiful blue sky and sun sparkling off the fresh snow. We walked around to the National Christmas Tree, the Washington Monument, and the World War II Memorial. Then...we went to “our special place”. :) Dan pulled me close and we started to dance and reminisced about the past year and everything that had happened in our relationship. We laughed at the funny moments and recalled the ones that were near and dear to our hearts. Then Dan began to sing to me. I absolutely love hearing him sing any time but it was even more special when he started singing the chorus of one of my favorite songs, personalizing it by substituting my name into the lyrics.

When he was done, he reached into a small pocket and withdrew a ring box and opened it to show me the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. I’m told I sucked in a deep breath when he opened it. ;) Then he asked that wonderful question “will you marry me?” as he got down on one knee. According to Dan, I almost didn’t let him get down to his knee before answering. “Yes! For the rest of my life, yes!” I don’t think I said anything else for a solid ten minutes. He left me speechless! All I could do was laugh and cry and hold him tight as we continued to spin around and almost fall in the snow out of excitement! He held out the ring and allowed me to put it on and it seemed simply perfect. “I get to marry you!”

The next half hour consisted of much joy and some picture taking. I was told I was NOW prepared for my trip to Michigan for New Year’s (Dan had been telling me for two weeks I wasn’t ready). Then he asked me if I was hungry. :) We made our way to one of our favorite restaurants, Olive Garden, where we celebrated and Dan got to open his fourth gift from me: two tickets to a Washington Caps vs. Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game. Up until now, we had held off on calling anybody so that we could spend some time celebrating together. After we left the restaurant, we called both sets of parents, siblings, and a couple of other people. Due to the snow and icy road conditions, I ended up staying Sunday night in Germantown so we got to spend a little more time together that evening.

So there you have it! :) The love of my life is now my fiancé and we are in the very beginning stages of planning our wedding!! Words cannot express my excitement at the fact that I get to marry Dan! That I get to marry this wonderful man is such a blessing, entirely orchestrated by our Heavenly Father.

“Come and see what God has done, how awesome his works in man’s behalf!” Psalm 66:5

Soli Deo Gloria!
Meghan


“Now you’re my whole life, now you’re my whole world
I just can’t believe the way I feel about you, Meghan
Like the river meets the sea stronger than it’s ever been
We’ve come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then...”