I feel like I can't keep this kid in clothes! Every time I turn around, something is too short, too snug, or just plain too small! It's gotten to the point that when I do his load of laundry each week, I pull out at least one, if not more, pieces of clothing that don't fit (this week, I think I pulled out at least 6).
I've been trying to go through his drawers more regularly of late and rotate out the things I know don't fit. Then I'll pull out things that are the next size larger and move them into rotation. He won't be 4 for another 2 months but I've been removing all the 3T items pretty consistently in favor of 4T and even a good amount of 5T.
That is, except for one shirt...
In the bottom of the back corner of his drawer of shirts, there lives a single 2T shirt. A shirt I know without a shadow of a doubt doesn't fit him. A shirt he only got to wear a couple times over the course of 6 weeks. This shirt.
Until a couple months ago, this shirt was still in his drawer. It lived there for 21 months. Months during which he's told us time and again how he wants another baby (lately it's been a baby sister specifically). Months where he will cradle a stuffed animal or baby doll and call them his baby. It stayed there long after every other 2T shirt was packed away and some 3T too. It stayed there through changing seasons and passing years.
I finally removed it. It was time.
Technically, it was way past time for that shirt to go but it finally came time when I came to terms with that reality. When I came to terms with the fact that removing that shirt did not mean I was removing hope. Because I still have hope.
Hope every month that, even after 2 years of disappointment, I might still get to take a test and see a positive result.
Hope that I'll be able to give my boy the big brother book I still have stashed away for him.
Hope that someday this picture will become a reality and not just playing pretend.
However, my hope isn't in modern medicine, though I avail myself of it. My hope isn't in my cycle charts, though I appreciate all the information they afford me. Because my hope is not in me...
My hope is in the One who time and again has proven Himself faithful; who multiple times provided the miracle of a child to many women throughout the Bible; who is sovereign over even the smallest parts of my body.
While I certainly hope and pray daily for a certain outcome in my life, I know that the One who is my Hope transcends even these circumstances and that He is good even if the desired outcome doesn't come. My Hope is not in vain, even when the shirts keep getting outgrown and the tests keep coming out negative. So I continue to hope and pray, for my God is a God of miracles and worthy of my trust.
Soli Deo Gloria,
Meghan
I finally removed it. It was time.
Technically, it was way past time for that shirt to go but it finally came time when I came to terms with that reality. When I came to terms with the fact that removing that shirt did not mean I was removing hope. Because I still have hope.
Hope every month that, even after 2 years of disappointment, I might still get to take a test and see a positive result.
Hope that I'll be able to give my boy the big brother book I still have stashed away for him.
Hope that someday this picture will become a reality and not just playing pretend.
However, my hope isn't in modern medicine, though I avail myself of it. My hope isn't in my cycle charts, though I appreciate all the information they afford me. Because my hope is not in me...
My hope is in the One who time and again has proven Himself faithful; who multiple times provided the miracle of a child to many women throughout the Bible; who is sovereign over even the smallest parts of my body.
"O Lord of hosts, if you will...remember me and not forget your servant..." quoted from 1 Samuel 1:11
"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you." Psalm 39:7
While I certainly hope and pray daily for a certain outcome in my life, I know that the One who is my Hope transcends even these circumstances and that He is good even if the desired outcome doesn't come. My Hope is not in vain, even when the shirts keep getting outgrown and the tests keep coming out negative. So I continue to hope and pray, for my God is a God of miracles and worthy of my trust.
"Though He slay me, I will hope in him..." Job 13:15a
"For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth." Psalm 71:5
Soli Deo Gloria,
Meghan
