Surgery

It's time. 

It took awhile to get scheduled and we had to fiddle with dates, but the day for my surgery has finally arrived. Tomorrow morning, I will check in at CHI Bergan-Mercy hospital in Omaha at 5:30am and should be wheeled back to surgery sometime around 7:30am. Surgery itself will take 6-8 hours (my guess is closer to the 8-hour mark based on all they have to do).

Here are all the procedures they are going to be doing during that time (for more info, see my previous post, Jordan):

0. Uterine fibroid removal

1. Endometriosis removal

2. Appendectomy

3. Ovarian Wedge Resection

4. Bowel Resection

5. Pelvioplasty

If all goes well, I will spend 2 nights in the hospital and should be discharged and back home sometime on Sunday. I will then have my second surgery at Boys Town on Tuesday, February 12th, to remove the gortex surgical mesh.

Prayers are very much appreciated! For my anxiety, that God would help me receive His peace, and for smooth healing. For the surgical team, including the surgeons, Dr. Pakiz and Dr. Fitzgibbons. For Dan and my Mom who will be spending the day at the hospital, waiting for news. For the Munchkin and my Dad who will have school and be spending the day together.

Thank you to everyone who has already reached out to help and encourage us. There is a meal train set up if you would like to help provide meals while I recover from both surgeries. Here is the link: https://www.mealtrain.com/trains/5yd0yw

I am grateful for the answers God has provided in this journey and I'm looking forward to seeing what life will be like post-recovery. Thank you for your many prayers and well wishes! I'll see you on the other side! :)

Soli Deo Gloria,

Meghan

Jordan

“And Elisha sent a messenger to him, saying, "Go and wash in the Jordan seven times, and your flesh shall be restored, and you shall be clean." But Naaman was angry and went away, saying, "Behold, I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call upon the name of the Lord his God, and wave his hand over the place and cure the leper. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Could I not wash in them and be clean?" So he turned and went away in a rage. But his servants came near and said to him, "My father, it is a great word the prophet has spoken to you; will you not do it? Has he actually said to you, 'Wash, and be clean'?" So he went down and dipped himself seven times in the Jordan, according to the word of the man of God, and his flesh was restored like the flesh of a little child, and he was clean.”

2 Kings 5:10-14 ESV

https://bible.com/bible/59/2ki.5.10-14.ESV

When we embarked on this health journey into our infertility issues, my husband would often remind me of Naaman's story. “We are dipping in the Jordan” he would tell me. This came to be a twofold reminder to both of us as we walk this road and a quick way to refocus when we are discouraged.

First, it is a reminder that there were no shortcuts. Naaman had to dip seven times. Not three, not five...seven. We knew this would be a long journey, not a short walk in the park. So each time there was a new task to complete? “We're dipping in the Jordan.” When we had to learn Creighton Model fertility tracking for 2 months before we could get an appointment at Pope Paul VI Institute? “We're dipping in the Jordan.” Driving up to Omaha six days straight for ultrasounds? Three weeks of getting blood drawn every other day? Diagnostic laparoscopic surgery? You guessed it, dipping in the Jordan.

However, to me, it also became a reminder of God's plan. You see, this wasn't how Naaman thought he should be healed. He thought he would at least see Elisha face-to-face. He complained that there were far superior rivers elsewhere, so why this one? And I get it. This was not how I thought our journey to become parents again would be. I never imagined difficulty and loss at every turn. I never planned to have kids this far apart. I never imagined I'd only have one precious little one for so long. Let's admit it: I, like Naaman, thought God should answer my requests the way I wanted it.

And, yet, God is good. Without our “Jordan” experiences, we wouldn't have the answers that we do today. If there were no “Jordan”, we'd still be looking at quick-fix “solutions” that didn't address any of the underlying problems. And, oh boy, are there problems...

On October 11th, I had my diagnostic laparoscopic surgery as the final step in our diagnostic testing with Pope Paul. Then, on Monday October 15th, we met with my doctor to discuss all the testing I'd undergone and her findings. What she found… Well, I was surprised, to say the least.

Severe endometriosis and polycystic ovaries.

Now, we'd expected to find some endo and she had talked about, if it was minor, she would simply take care of it during the diagnostic surgery. But the amount and the locations where she found it mean that we will be scheduling a second, all-day surgery that includes a second, general surgeon probably sometime in late January. So here's the litany of procedures I will need during that surgery to address all the problems we found:

0. Uterine fibroid removal (only one, super simple, almost not worth mentioning)

1. Endometriosis removal from uterus and bladder

2. Appendectomy

3. Ovarian Wedge Resection (addresses polycystic ovaries)

4. Pelvioplasty- the only procedure insurance will not cover. They will wrap things in Gortex to prevent scar tissue and adhesions from forming. This covering will then be removed 10 days after surgery via another quick laparoscopic procedure.

5. The doozy...Bowel Resection- in order to completely remove the endo, they will need to resection part of my small intestine. This will require a general surgeon and 2 nights in the hospital following surgery.

So here we stand on the banks of the Jordan again, preparing ourselves for the path God has laid out for us, unsure of how many more times we will enter the river. But while we may not yet know the outcome of this journey, we trust in the One who does. He knows the path ahead because He has prepared it for us and us for it. God is in control so we dip in the Jordan, trusting Him for the outcome. He's not finished with us yet.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Meghan

Normal

Those who know Dan and I know that we both have a science background. When we're tackling a problem, we love having more data. Last week, we received a rather interesting look at another piece of our infertility puzzle.

For years, I've told people that I'm overall pretty healthy with the exception of being overweight. Yes, I was tired almost as soon as I woke up, plucked wiry stray hairs off my chin and neck occasionally, still dealt with acne in my 30’s, but I thought this was my normal. But what if it's not?

We won't be able to discuss it with the doctor until our comprehensive management review post-op appointment in mid-October, but the office sent us a copy of my blood test results from the National Hormone Lab. It was eye-opening to say the least.

Very few of my hormones are actually within the normal range, most of them are too low, one of them is too high. In my assessment, it will probably explain a good chunk of our fertility issues but there's more. You see, this isn't “normal”. My life, my health? Not normal. I cried thinking about it, looking at those results, but maybe not for the reason you're thinking.

I cried because it gave me HOPE.

The way I've felt for years, that I thought was normal? It's not normal! And… What if? What would life be like if those numbers were in a normal range? How much better might I feel than I do now? How life-changing might this be, not just on our infertility journey, but overall?

The final step before an official diagnosis and forming a treatment plan is my diagnostic laparoscopy on Thursday, October 11th. We will then meet with our doctor the following Monday where we might finally get answers we've been looking for all these months and years.

So I'm holding on to the hope that God has given me in the midst of all this. And not only the hope for another baby anymore (though of course I still do), but also the hope of better health. For while my body bears the evidence of sin and the Fall and will never be perfect this side of eternity, I know the Great Physician can still accomplish His Will in spite of whatever my circumstances may be.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Meghan

Piece of the Puzzle

“Knowing a disappointing truth is better than wondering forever.” -Unknown

Over the course of over five years, I have been pregnant only two times. Only one of those babies do we get to hold this side of heaven. In more than over two years of trying since our miscarriage, there has not been a single positive test. Two years is a long time to go with no definitive answers. But that might be about to change.

At the beginning of the year, we found that my thyroid needed a little help to do its job (aka hypothyroidism). Even once the medication dosage was figured out, that treatment did not seem to be improving our fertility problems. My doctor began to suggest IUI might be a good option for us as there seemed to be no explanation for our issues and everything appeared to be fine. However, we didn't feel the same way and were still concerned that there might be underlying health issues that could be missed in jumping to such “solutions”.

In June, we decided to contact a clinic that specializes in solving fertility problems naturally, a place several friends of mine had visited and experienced success in addressing health issues that then led to healthy pregnancies. The Pope Paul VI Institute (PPVI) is an international leader in developing and practicing Natural Procreative Technology (NaProTechnology) and happens to be located just one hour away in Omaha, Nebraska. Our first appointment was set for early August and we began tackling the required preliminaries before that meeting, namely learning the Creighton model of fertility tracking (CrMS). It was frustrating that they wouldn't see us until 60 days after we started using CrMS but, looking back, I can see now how much information it has added to the discussion. It still frustrates me at times, as my perfectionist nature wants everything to be “right”, but I'm learning to trust my judgement more now, three months into it.

Since that first appointment, a battery of tests including bloodwork and ultrasounds have occurred and, later this fall in October, I will have a diagnostic laparoscopic surgery. Even before the testing officially began, it simply felt good to be doing something, to have a plan to discover any underlying health issues, even if it meant becoming a human pincushion and driving to Omaha every day for six days straight for ultrasounds. But all of this may have already turned up at least one piece of the puzzle…

LUFS

It's an acronym I hadn't heard before, even amongst friends that also struggle with infertility issues. It stands for “luteinized unruptured follicle syndrome” and is not terribly common. Information from PPVI says they see it in only 15% of cases where women have regular cycles but still struggle with infertility. Basically, my body will give every sign that a cycle is normal and that I'm ovulating. Basal body temperature, cervical mucus, and even ovulation predictor tests will all look like everything is functioning normally. But when observed through ultrasound, we can see that, while my ovary may develop a follicle, that follicle will not rupture to release the egg.

Being me, I immediately dove into research, reading abstracts of any medical papers I could find that referenced LUFS (yay for PubMed). LUFS was first described in 1978 and can only be diagnosed with laparoscopic surgery or daily ultrasounds around the time of ovulation (how we found mine). Clomid alone, seemingly one of the most popular first steps with doctors when facing infertility, is actually one of the least effective treatment for LUFS.

We haven't met with the doctor yet and probably won't form an actual treatment plan until all the testing is done and we have a complete picture (there's a possibility PCOS is involved as well in all this). But at least for now, it feels satisfying to just have one piece. I'm grateful we don't have to wonder forever.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Meghan