Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Suit

Yesterday, I wore a suit. Not really a big deal. I work in an office so I have to dress professionally anyway, but yesterday I had a meeting at our corporate offices in Virginia so I decided to step up my game and wear one of the three suits that I own. Not an unreasonable action given the circumstances.

But something felt weird. Each time I saw myself in the mirror, I felt like I wasn’t seeing me. Nothing was different except the suit. I’ve worn suits before, both for work and for other events (example: Focus on the Family Institute picture day). I looked like I fit right in with the corporate environment I was in. And I think that might have been the issue.

Seeing myself in that light made me confront the fact that I don’t desire to be doing this my whole life. When the time comes, I want to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. Why then would I want to fit in at a place I know is only temporary? Why would I want to fit in there?

But it remains that this is where God has me now. I need to be faithful to the task at hand that He has granted me. What I long for is a good thing and something I hope God will one day grant, but that is not my place in life right now. A wise person once passed this Jim Elliot quote on to me: “Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living.”

Even Godly desires can be wrong if they are not committed fully to the One who has given them and applied at the appropriate time. Psalm 37:4 states, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” We are quick to quote the second half of this verse without considering the first part. We want to think that God will simply give us what we want but we need to be seeking after Him and looking to follow His will. Then, our desires will align with His and the desire of our heart will be God’s heart and His plan for our life. He is ready and willing to grant what His own heart desires.

I am glad that God has given me the desires that He has. I know they are good and part of His will for my life down the road. Learning to live with these desires when He has not yet granted them, giving them to Him, seeking His will, and learning patience in my discontent are some of the lessons He is teaching me through this experience.

Does that mean I am comfortable here? No, for comfort often leads to complacency and these desires do show that God intends for my life to change. I will not always be as I am. But I can trust that God has me here for a reason and do my work as unto Him. While it may not be comfortable, I can rest and have peace in the fact that this is His will for my life. And that is more than enough.

Soli Deo Gloria,

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